Tag Archives: senior adults

The Senior Adult Dilemma, Part 2

In my last post I explored a few issues involved with what I termed “The Senior Adult Dilemma.” I encourage you to read it first for context.

This response came from a friend via Facebook:

Consider that the Boomer generation was perhaps the first to see that government leaders often lied to them. The Sixties were radically different than anything this country had faced. Authority figures, music, sexual revolution, etc., etc. EVERYTHING changed rapidly.

I’ve read stats saying 1 out of 4 were sexually abused and we know that kind of abuse is often by someone in a place of authority in that person’s life. They were drafted into the first war (Vietnam) that was so unpopular that when coming home they were often met at airports and pelted with tomatoes. Even today one can walk in a VFW event and immediately tell the Vietnam vets. This generation was among the first to come out of college with massive student loans.

These folk (Boomers) have been told that they have spent the nation into oblivion, are guilted over abortion (the Supreme Court chief justices who wrote majority opinions were appt. by Republican Presidents Eisenhower and Nixon. Check out Republican Supreme Court appointees and their decisions. Not good. In fact, Ike said his appointment of Earl Warren was the “damnedest fool thing I ever did”.), and many are reduced to working two or three part time jobs to support themselves. One outlives early retirement. They have only know SBC live to be in turmoil their entire ministry life.

My point is that there is a lot of latent anger in almost every congregation among the seniors.

This friend spent more than a decade as a traveling evangelist, and has been nearly two decades in denominational work.

Two other friends, one via Twitter and another offline, also mentioned existing or potential issues with Baby Boomers in the Senior Adult Dilemma. As the oldest Boomers are just hitting retirement age, I think it remains to be seen. I hope, rather, to see Boomers go into their senior years pressing forward without looking back. In point of fact, I have been eyewitness to the Dilemma since before the oldest of the Boomers were out of their 40s.

While Boomers may fall to the same temptations current and past seniors have faced, this seems to be beyond a mere Boomer issue. Unless these issues are addressed, Boomers, Busters, Millennials and future generations may fall as well.

I should note I’m hardly an expert. I have been blessed with some fantastic relationships with senior adults. We loved, honored and respected each other, often in the midst of disagreements about “worship styles” or church direction. Then there were those who did not fit in that group ;^)

What I offer are thoughts as my old age grows larger in the windshield. Now let us consider a few possible solutions:

1. Seniors often feel left out, but need more than Branson, Missouri trips to help them continue to grow in Christ.
Which came first the chicken or the egg? Do churches lower discipleship expectations on seniors to little more than a travel club, or do seniors fail to respond to discipleship efforts requiring more than a travel club?

Another friend who has been in ministry for many years wrote this:

A friend of mine, a pastor and missionary of many decades reached his 70’s and told me this, “I have more time to give, more knowledge to share and a hearts desire to minister but no one wants and old man. If you are over 50-55 try and to get a position in a church, very difficult. I know there are older people who are like those in your article but there are many more who love God, love their church and desire to be in ministry but many times the church has turned them away or formed a “senior saints” group that basically takes trips for pleasure. The older generation needs to be challenged to press on just as every other generation in the church.

2. Aging entrenches routine as a form of comfort and certainty, but church leaders often miss this.
A former co-laborer on a staff once made this observation about his widowed, senior adult mother-in-law: “If a light bulb goes out at my mother-in-law’s house, she will call us every day until I can get over to replace it. Even if it is in a room or closet she rarely uses. She seems fixated on it until I can get it done.”

As we get older and more physically restricted from “adventures,” routines become places of comfort. If this is true of young people–and to some degree it is true of us all–with some it gets much worse with aging. Predictability becomes the groove through which life is comfortably lived. Like residents of The Shire many eschew the unknown and enjoy the serenity of sameness.

But, like nostalgia, routine is not a spiritual gift. Arguably, the desire for a “whole life routine” can work against spiritual growth: it is hard to invite God to break into your routine if you do not want God to break into your routine. Or fail to believe it is something He would even do.

When church leaders misunderstand the routine they multiply problems for themselves. You may not be able to change it; but you do well to take it into consideration in decision making.

3. Most people who come to Christ do so in their younger years and seniors should participate in their church’s efforts to reach them.
Every study I have ever known indicates most people who come to Christ do so while young. Youth pastors used to say the majority are saved before the age of 18. Barna says it is a “substantial majority” (2004) who do so.

If this is the case why would churches in their evangelistic attempts not focus a lot of energy in reaching those under 18? Further, why would senior adults not rejoice to be a part of leading young people to Christ?

One of the great blessings of my ministry was Mrs. Jessie Lancaster. Mrs. Jessie died several years ago. She was single for many, many years. Having no children or relatives in the community, she depended, more than most, on her church family. She was active in an intergenerational small group at our church, and prayed for me relentlessly. She once told me when I had a conflict between leaving for a youth camp and seeing her in the hospital, “Preacher, don’t you ever come see me if you have a chance to lead some young person to Jesus. That’s way more important.”

That is the outlook I want to have at 80.

4. Churches should view aging as a unique discipleship opportunity.
It is a little too easy to say, “You didn’t hear the Apostle Paul complaining while he was chained up in that dark Roman jail!!” I kind of doubt he is in your church. I kind of doubt he is in the pastor’s office, either. But, if we want to produce a different kind of senior adult believer, we might need to develop a different discipleship strategy for senior adults.

Esteemed professor, Howard Hendricks, who died February 20, 2013, described aging as a:

quiet, ill-defined blur that steals up on one with little advance warning. My body refuses to cooperate with my mind, as if it were a stranger. Mysterious little aches and odd moments of forgetfulness pop up. Birthdays become irrelevant. The surprise is that I no longer seem to be quite the ‘me’ I have always known.

It also rings true that you do not see in the mirror what everyone else sees when looking at you.

Perhaps one solution is for churches to implement “aging out” of age-graded small groups. For illustrative purposes let us say age fifty-nine. When reaching 60 members should join younger groups. That would be the only option since no senior adult groups would exist. This combats the feelings of isolation, opens the eyes of all involved to the needs of each age, and helps facilitate organic mentoring. It also helps disconnect the problem of complaints feeding on themselves.

I have heard people talk about “cradle to grave” ministry, but I have seen few ministries last that long.

One thing seems certain: if we want to reduce the amount of stress and heartache experienced both by church leaders and seniors a modified approach to discipleship is needed.

Despite all the challenges in the senior adult dilemma I have been blessed to know many seniors like Jessie Lancaster. Among them:

My Mom and Dad
My Mother began a writing ministry to women in prison after she was 65 years old. She continued ministry to them after they exited prison. For months she drove to Atlanta each Sunday to pick-up a lady and bring her to church. My Dad, in addition to never missing a work day at church, picks up a blind man for church every Sunday and takes him home after Sunday School and church are over. My Dad often takes this man to the doctor.

Their pastor, Chris, has told me on more than one occasion, “Your Mom and Dad are truly missional people.”

Frances and Waymon Lamb
The Lambs were longtime members at a church where I served on staff. They were members when the church was small enough that Frances sent get-well cards to every member who went into the hospital. The first time I ever met her she was hospitalized. When I entered her room, I noticed her leg standing in the corner of the room while she was occupying the bed. Over the course of several months I visited her so many times we joked about her trying out every room in the hospital. At the end of each visit, she had a list a names for which I was to pray…but never for her. God was taking care of her.

After she died, Waymon became a de facto chaplain for the hospital. He had spent so much time there it was like a home away from home. He had already begun visiting sick people when Frances was hospitalized, and continued returning to visit sick people after she passed away. This he did until he was too old to continue.

Waymon outlived almost all his friends, and died after I was no longer on staff at his church. His graveside service was so small, the pastor conducting the service and I had to serve as impromptu pallbearers.

Mr. and Mrs. Benson
Raynor and Lois Benson, with their adult son, Drew, volunteered in the office at my last pastorate. They were amazingly sweet, showing up every Sunday morning to do paperwork, answer the phones and the like while our secretary was completing the extra records from Sunday. They never asked for a thing, never expected a thing, and always were gracious and cheerful.

One week I got a phone call they had been in a car accident and Mrs. Benson had broken a bone; her arm, I think. They insisted that I not visit. I did anyway, for just a few minutes. As I was leaving, Mrs. Benson said, “I’m not going to tell anyone you came by. You didn’t have to come, and if I do tell people all the old people will expect you to come see them every time they get sick.” I could not believe what I was hearing, but was I ever thankful for her wisdom.

Oh, and those “old people” were her peers.

Myrl Kitchens
The “Adult Ladies” teacher in my very first church. She was a great encouragement, and faithful to teach those ladies for many, many ears. She was the first person to teach me what Genesis means by the sun and moon being given for signs.

Far from “callous disregard” for seniors’ concerns, those entrusted with spiritual leadership should help seniors see their true needs, learn to trust God instead of routines, and continue to press on toward the goal of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

The Senior Adult Dilemma, Part 1

“When is the church going to budget as much for senior adults as for the youth or children’s ministry?”

“Why are we trying to reach primarily young families?”

“Does the preacher not remember who pays his salary?”

“What happened to the piano and organ?”

“We just feel forgotten.”

I call the issues arising from this mindset “The Senior Adult Dilemma.”

As the half-century mark stares me straight in the eyeballs, I am ever more befuddled by sentiments such as these. The Savior, from whom we hear “Deny self” and “Take up your cross daily,” seems extraordinarily at odds with them.

One would expect–or at least hope–wisdom comes with age. Often this is the case, but it is not assured by any means. What is any more sad than a decades-old-in-the-faith Christian who should have matured spiritually, yet remains an infant? A man or woman crowned with glory of gray hair should be helping grill bacon-wrapped filet mignon instead whisking a few ounces of powdered milk–spiritually speaking. This would jibe with Peter’s apostolic desire, it seems.

Everyone tends toward certain affinities. Some gravitate toward music from the 80s, others clothing styles from the 90s, some toward foods from childhood or travels. The problem comes when some try to promote those affinities as the right or only way of doing things, especially ministry in church. (More on this in Part 2.)

The truth is when we pursue God we must prefer the time in which we live. Right now. As it relates to time, we have only one culture we can reach: the current one. No amount of longing for a bygone era will cause it to return. Nostalgia is not a spiritual gift.

The senior adult dilemma is not universal in churches, but it is widespread enough to cause heartburn for many a leader. From changing Sunday School meeting rooms, to changing musical styles, to changing service times, it seems anything–no matter how trivial–can start waves of complaints. Not only is this grievous to watch, it is difficult for leaders to experience, as well as being thoroughly unbiblical. What accompanies constant complaining? Loss of influence among those who lead and loss of a hearing among those who will.

Here are a few observations after 46 years in churches, 30 years of salvation and 20 years of pastoral ministry:

1. Physical age neither guarantees nor predicts spiritual maturity.
After having walked with the Lord for nearly 30 years I have witnessed spiritual maturity–and immaturity–at every age. Although a constant growth track until death is desired, it does not always happen. Some of the most selfish and short sighted members of churches were not teenagers. They were people much older than I was then, even older than I am now.

Spiritual maturity is only gained through the obedience. It is not gained through mere participation in religious activities, no matter how noble or persistent. Spiritual maturity is not symbolized by a 142-year attendance pin. The youngest believer walking in faith exhibits more maturity than an 80-year old who has not exercised it in half-a-century.

2. Stubbornness is not a spiritual gift.
Too many senior adults seem to pride themselves on a mentality that is resistant to change. “I ain’t never used a _________ or owned a _________ or done _________ and I’m not about to start now.” While this attitude might be expected in some who are slow to learn, when championed by a full-facultied person it may reveal a disturbing lack of godliness.

To be used by God requires malleability. That whole “potter and clay” thing teaches us one is shaped as One is shaping. Pottery may have a purpose after receiving form, drying and experiencing a trip to the kiln. What it cannot be is further changed. If God must break a person to gain the simplest obedience, repeated usefulness is improbable.

3. Older is not necessarily better; often it is just older.
It never ceases to amaze me how many who complain about “new music” would never consider returning to days before electric power, indoor plumbing, automobiles, telephones, and store bought clothes. I have yet to see a senior adult walk out of a church restroom complaining about using toilet paper instead of pages from the Sears & Roebuck catalog.

Pining for hymns–as with most–has nothing to do with wanting to hear something with good theology. If that were the case, many newer songs (“modern worship music”) would suffice. Instead it is the comfort of the familiar. It can be hard to learn new things; that is true for all of us as we age. I am still trying to learn algebra.

I have heard, “We just need more hymn writers like Fanny J. Crosby.” Really? Fanny Crosby is reputed to have written about 20,000 hymns. We sing between 5 and 10 of them. By any measure that is more misses that hits.

Just because it is older does not mean it is better, and music is just one example.

4. Mentoring by seniors should be organic, not programmatic.
“We need to organize a way for seniors to mentor younger adults. They really have a lot to offer and younger people have a lot to learn.” Or something like that.

Here’s the problem: young people who are passionately seeking God are not interested in being “mentored” by a faithless grouch. What young believers seek is spiritual mentoring, not an hour-a-week of hearing about the failures of former pastors or the perceived shortcomings of the current shepherd.

My mentor, Al Autrey, was considerably older than the teenagers and young adults he mentored. But he was respected and trusted due to his faithfulness. In our late 40s Sonya and I befriended, were accepted by, and began mentoring a group of high-schoolers. This is a relationship that continues. We have young adult friends who ask us for advice and counsel. These are not relationships we have demanded, or expected because “we have a lot to offer.” Maybe we do. But, these relationships would never have blossomed had friendships not been planted first.

One thing we have learned is this: if we pursue God and make friends, mentoring happens. It is harder to stop than to start. This is why I say it should be organic. Programmed mentoring seems like programmed friendships–diametrically opposed to the concept itself.

None of this should be construed as being anti-senior adult, not even close. Like most who read this, I have known scores of solid, Jesus loving, kind, gentle, faithful seniors. But, none of those characteristics existed because they were old. The Fruit of the Spirit may exist in old age, but does not grow due to it. If you want to be a faithful senior adult, be a faithful, obedient younger person. Then, never quit.

In Part 2 we will explore some a few possible solutions to the Senior Adult Dilemma.