Tag Archives: life

What my daughter taught me about God’s timing, by Sonya Duren

From a note Sonya posted to Facebook today:

Today our oldest daughter, Beth, turns 28. As I was reflecting on how our lives changed so drastically when we went from young, carefree, newly-married couple to “what do we do with this little being who is depending on us to get it right” I couldn’t help but think of a memory that is forever burned in my heart and mind as I sat in an oncologist’s office.

I love this woman.

I love this woman.


Marty and I had only been married about three months when we found out I was pregnant. To say we were a little surprised would be an understatement. We certainly wanted children and had already planned our lives out to include several. We really believed God wanted me to quit my job and stay home with them as long as they needed me home. At the time, I had a pretty decent job (for the 1980s) but we certainly weren’t rolling in the dough since both of our salaries were needed to pay our expenses. Our plans were that we would save as much as we could for a couple of years, buy a small house and begin our family. Being pregnant after three months of marriage didn’t go along with “the plan.” Maybe God hadn’t gotten the memo about “the plan.” Nevertheless, we went on to have our beautiful, happy, precious little girl and were thrilled beyond measure. I did quit my job and Marty received a much better job that he began on my last day of work at my job. (Isn’t God funny like that? 🙂 No we didn’t have a lot of money. Yes, we were still in our small apartment. And, we were so happy that God didn’t get the memo about “the plan.”

Fast-forward a little over two years later: After several months of unexplained weight-loss, night sweats, and bone-wearying fatigue, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease. For those of you who don’t know, this is a type of cancer that is usually associated with lymphoma. I was diagnosed at stage 2. (Walking through that minefield of emotions of being diagnosed with cancer when you are in your 20’s with a two-year old is another story for another day.)

After some exploratory surgery and having my spleen removed, I was to begin 10 weeks of radiation therapy. Sitting in the doctor’s office that day going over what my life was going to be like for the next few months as I went through radiation and the recovery, my oncologist dropped the “Oh, and by the way, if you get pregnant during this time, we will strongly advise you to have an abortion due to the amount of radiation you will be receiving and the danger of letting your cancer continue if you choose to stop the treatment due to your pregnancy.” I don’t think I heard much else after that statement. My mind kept going back to “the plan.” Our plan of waiting two years. Our plan of having all of our ducks in a row before we ventured forward. Our plan that really didn’t include much faith in a God who has promised to provide for his children.

Sometimes you get a life lesson in a very unusual way that stays with you for the rest of your life. That day I learned something huge about God’s timing. We can’t see what is ahead. We can’t possibly know what is better for our life than God. The blessings He has for us are immense. What may seem poor timing on our part, is perfect when God is behind it. And isn’t it just like God to use a baby to teach us this?

Feel free to share your stories in the comments. Sonya will reading and interacting there today.

Grieving father warns of teenager and prescription drug mix

Prescription meds, teenagers
On Friday morning, November 6, I received a prayer chain call from church. While the requests can run a wide berth of concerns, this one caught my attention in a way that almost stopped my heart. Prayer was being requested for a church member whose 18 year old grandson, a young man I knew, had been found dead that morning. I really could not believe that I had heard it right, so I listened again and the message was indeed what was initially thought.

I placed a couple of quick calls seeking information before finally touching base with his grandfather who confirmed the story as true. The initial concern was that he had overdosed on prescription medication; a concern that eventually was determined to be correct.

Over the weekend, this young man’s Dad sent an email to family and friends, an email which is published below with his permission. It has been edited slightly for clarity and privacy. The words “my son” have been substituted for the young man’s name.

Dear Business partners and Friends,

Words cannot begin to express the overwhelming support felt by all of my family this past weekend. Thank you so much for the food, prayers, thoughts, hugs, and words of encouragement. I would like to share with you my son’s story in hope that no one else ever has to experience the tragedy of burying a child:

On Friday morning of last week, my worst nightmare came true, I received a call from my younger son, 15, that his brother, 18, was unconscious and I needed to get over to their house quick. When I arrived, my son’s mom and the paramedics told me that they had nothing to work with-he had obviously been gone for a few hours. Within 15 minutes the outpouring of love, support, and prayers began-God showed up and placed his arms of comfort and peace around everyone. Family, friends, pastors, co-workers, students and neighbors began to show up and offer any assistance they could. I was amazed.

Like most people, I live in a fast paced life. I am not sure where I thought I was going all the time, but I was always doing something quickly-sometimes doing things right –sometimes not. The death of my son has made me take some time and think about what is really important. Our children are important. If you’re receiving this email and you are a parent that feels like everything moves to quickly, please slow down and take time to find out what is going on in your child’s life. Spend time with them each day, talk to their friends, their teachers, coaches, and anyone else they are involved in. Check their cell phones-you will be amazed. Check there email, Facebook, etc. You’re their parent-you have the right!

Just 2 years ago, my son was a typical teenager- interested in girls and cars-the usual things for boys. Two years later- he is gone. Where did it go wrong, where did the tide turn, what were the signs? If you have a child in school, chances are they have been asked or know someone that has been asked to participate in the taking of “prescribed” medicines. They take pain killers, anti-inflammatory, anxiety, depression, sleeping pills and any other meds they can find to “alter” their state of mind. They do not take it as prescribed. They think if one is good-two is better- and three is “killer”! What they don’t understand is it can kill them- it killed my son!

Some of the signs to look for are: sudden changes in mood, appetite, irritability, sleeping to much or not enough…they will take something to give them energy and then take something to bring them down. It’s hard to tell- but the signs are there. Keep all your medicines in a safe place that only you know about. These kids will have their friends steal meds from you while they steal meds from those friends’ parents (they don’t feel as bad this way). Do whatever you have to do to try and keep them safe.

While his death is a tragedy-it is also a success story. Just three weeks ago, my son spoke to Pastor Robbie at Hopewell Baptist church and Robbie asked my son if he knew Jesus as his Lord and Savior- he said “yes”. They prayed and my son was so excited. He called me and told me that he was changing his life and gonna quit doing the things that had gotten him in trouble. I was so excited that he had seen the light and wanted to change, but the devil wasn’t finished. As the days went by, my son began to be tested – he gave way to temptation- he lost that battle—but in the end he won the war. Because of his decision to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior, he is in heaven and at his funeral over 10 people accepted Jesus and will spend eternity in heaven when they leave this world. I don’t think I could be any prouder of my son.

I hope that my son’s story will cause us to make changes in our lives for the good- I hope that his story will bring families closer, that people will get back to the basics in life and realize that we are only here temporarily-that there is a place in eternity with God if we want it.

If your family is dealing with an addiction or abuse situation, please seek help so that lives may be saved. A great starting point is Celebrate Recovery, a Jesus Christ centered ministry for those struggling with addictive behavior, hurts, habits or hangups. Search “celebrate recovery” and the name of your town to find a local ministry.